Part 1: First, Manage Thyself
(Easier said than done)
Have you ever been mid-facilitation and suddenly hijacked? Not physically, of course (hopefully not!), but emotionally, mentally—or energetically.
Maybe it’s the interrupter who just won’t stop talking.
Maybe it’s the sceptic in the back of the room with that face that screams, “What is this rubbish and why am I here?” (or so we might think).
Maybe it’s your own inner voice, whispering, or shouting “You’re a fraud. Any minute now they’re going to find out you’ve no idea what you’re doing.”
Or maybe… Or even before you walk into the room, a text you read as you get out the lift… and now your brain is somewhere else entirely.
I’ve been there. All of them, in fact.
So let me tell you a story about a recent “hijack” moment, ironically, just before I was going to facilitate a session called “Tricky Bits and Hot Spots in Facilitation” to a group of 140+ other coaches. I know right.
It was June, I was in Denver, facilitating at Connect, Learn and Share. I had a tidy 90-minute slot in the agenda. I’d mapped it out the flow, slides, Menti, and breakout discussions. All set.
Then some planning changes began.
One of the keynotes after me had lost her voice so I was already up and about, trying to shuffle the agenda, seeing who could swap and where we could move things. My brain was in full-on Arranger mode.
Then Traci approached. “Would you mind if I have a few minutes before your session to talk about my book?” she asked.
Of course! It’s an important piece of work, something the world and anyone who has any connection to Cancer needs.
“How long do you need?”
“10 to 15 minutes,” she said.
No problem. I always tell clients I can flex to their timeframes. And I can..usually.
Then she added, “Jennifer will be coming up too, to share the impact the book had on her.”
Now, if you don’t know Jennifer—she’s a breast cancer survivor currently undergoing treatment for brain cancer. She had reached out a week or so before to see if she could attend the event, accompanied by her husband, to acknowledge a milestone in her treatment progress. A much-loved member of our community. I remember when she shared her diagnosis in our mini SheLeads Mastermind.
“Of course, we will make it work.”
Traci shared her journey, her nearly completed book, and then invited Jennifer up.
And that’s when it happened.
I felt it—a lump rising in my chest, up into my throat. Then the sting behind the eyes. Then the tears. Streaming. Not blinking away gracefully. Full-on waterfall. I am not a crier. Stiff upper lip, British upbringing.
Here I was, trying to be present and listen while thinking about my session and managing these unfamiliar emotions. I was about to get up in front of my peers, people I coach and mentor… crying. Mascara (which I rarely even wear) is probably making its way down my face like a bad Halloween costume.
My brain did what many of ours do in these moments: panic + planning.
“What content do I cut to make this all fit?”
“How am I going to regain composure?”
“Am I a total mess?”
And then, like a true amateur, I got on stage and said something along the lines of:
“Whose idea was it to let those two speak before me?”
(Answer: mine.)
And that, friends, is the point.
Even as experienced facilitators, we get thrown off. We get emotional. We get hijacked. We cry (apparently). And sometimes we say ridiculous things in the moment.
Managing thyself isn’t about being unshakeable. It’s about being aware of the shaking—and still choosing (trying) to show up with presence and purpose.
In the next part I’ll share some practical strength-inspired ways to stay grounded when your ‘Community of Selves’ are having a party at the back of the bus.
See you next week for Part Two.
